A GAME OF TWO SEXES

Allow me to tell you a story: It's the Euros '09 Grand Final. England V Germany. England lose spectacularly. No one gives a fuck. The End.

Now, I’m not going to pretend that I’m outraged that the women’s football is nowhere near as popular, or well publicised, as the men’s – I don’t particularly like sport. Sure, I’ll get swept up in the ‘FOOTBALL’S COMING HOME!’ hysteria once every couple of years when the whole country unites in their blind optimism that England will win the World Cup/Euros. But the rest of the time, I don’t give a shit if Rooney’s metatarsal’s broken or Beckham’s golden boots affect the way he ‘bends it’. So why would I begin to care about the coverage of the recent Women’s European Championship?

Because, the whole of the UK’s media coverage seems to have taken the tone of, ‘Ah, look at these girlies kicking a ball about. Isn’t that sweet? The English team have made it to the finals? They won’t win though… nope, told ya. Do you even know what the off-side rule is, love? No? Bless ‘em for trying though, eh? Well, in the mean time, the blokes’ve only gone and beat Slovenia in a meaningless friendly! They are true heroes. C’MON LADS! THREE LIONS ON A SHIRT…’

Ok, so perhaps this is slightly hyperbolic, but from the way the press were reacting to the female England’s 6-2 defeat in the Euros final against Germany, you would think that they had failed to even qualify for the championship in the first place, as the men did last year – don’t think I’d forgotten. The fact that an English team reached a major final is a huge achievement in itself. But because the players have pink nails, ponytails and sports bras, it’s not such a big deal… actually it’s kind of rubbish they didn’t win. Bloody women!

This bitterness in downplaying the success of female athletes has come from a place of jealousy and resentment. Because the fact is, the England women’s football team are currently better than the men’s, who haven’t been in a final since they lifted the World Cup way back when in ’66. Maybe they should stick to the men’s jobs (diving into the penalty box, rolling around in agony when no-one even tackled you, and randomly shouting ‘REF!’) and just leave the women to the real work.